My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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