Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
