I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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