dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
