Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Acid is not a monday night drug
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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