I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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