dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
