Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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