Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
