somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
