I am puke
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Bring me that man meat
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
