I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
