Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I love you. Go after that dick
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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