Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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