Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
