Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
