I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
