the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
