were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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