I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She's the barista slut.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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