respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
