We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
