p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize