Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
