The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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