I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
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