even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
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If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
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I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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