Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
