Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
