you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
