I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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