my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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