I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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