Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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