Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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