is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
