The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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