I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
