he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Barsexuality is the new black.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
