so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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