I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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