Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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