i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You made out with two different species that night
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
