seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
