We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
