Umm I'm too high to move.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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