Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
