need another drink. this is the easiest way
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
