Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
