I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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