I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
