Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
