I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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