I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
