What did we do last night that was yellow?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize