you mean i was at the winter classic?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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