they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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