I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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