end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
