at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
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Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
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And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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