and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
