i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
