Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
