I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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