You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
