when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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