woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
