He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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