I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just puked most of my soul out..
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