i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
