he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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