It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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