we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
