before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
