do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Randomize
