Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
