he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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