I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
