two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
